Take This Regret by A.L. Jackson
Series: Take This Regret #1
Published by Sapphire Star Publishing on April 5, 2012
Genres: Contemporary, New Adult, Romance
Amazon • Goodreads
There are some mistakes we make that we will regret for the rest of our lives. For Christian Davison, it was the day he betrayed Elizabeth Ayers. For five years, Christian has regretted the day he walked away from his family and will do anything to win them back. Can Elizabeth forgive someone who has committed the unforgiveable? Or are there some wounds that go so deep they can never heal?
I have a lot in my head right now and I need to get it all out. I’m going to try not to give too much away in way of spoilers. I apologize ahead of time for all the quotes. I can’t write this review without them! I’m also going to try not to ramble but I make no promises. 🙂
I wish I could give this book more than 5 stars.
I wish I could demand that you all read it.
You should already know from the synopsis that this is about a man who walks away from his family. This story is about the aftermath of that decision. It’s also about forgiveness. It’s about knowing that no matter what else you do in this life time there are some hurts you just can’t take away. Then there is a wonderful part of this story that’s about unconditional love. Love that knows no boundaries. Innocent love that can only come from a child.
I want to punch myself in the face for not reading this book sooner.
How I let it sit on my tbr for so long I will never know.
“This would ruin their lives–his life. Somewhat unconsciously, Christian found himself thinking thoughts he’d worked so hard to overcome, thoughts of himself, what he needed, and what he wanted. Suddenly, he didn’t see the hurting girl in front of him, the girl he loved, the girl he had every intention of spending the rest of his life with.
He saw somebody standing in his way.”
Christian’s upbringing plays a huge part in his life. Decisions he makes are based on his family. More importantly his father, who’s approval is always just out of reach. So on this fateful day when Elizabeth shares the news that will change both of their lives forever…he panics. Maybe not panics…he snaps…he says things he shouldn’t and he pushes away the love of his life.
Elizabeth does what she knows to be right and she walks away.
Five years go by…
Christian has been plagued with guilt over the decision he made.
“My soul mourned for what it had lost, for every day I had lived without them, for every moment wasted, for time that could not be reclaimed.”
Elizabeth has struggled in all ways imaginable to raise their child alone.
“I hated him, I reminded myself, and he was dangerous. No matter what feelings I still harbored for him, I could not forget those two crucial truths.”
Then one day by chance, Christian sees his daughter.
“The staggering amount of emotion that hit me nearly brought me to my knees as I fell in love with the tiny person in front of me.”
The emotion on every single page is palpable. Yet it’s not too much that you can’t continue. This story would have been amazing if only written in Elizabeth’s voice however, the depth of beauty given by Christian’s voice is not even measurable. I wanted to hate him. I was so mad at him for the choices he made. Yet at the same time, I kind of understood. The agony he went through over his decision left me heart broken. How do you fix something so wrong after so much time has gone by? Where do you even start?
This is where Lizzie comes in. She plays a HUGE role in this book. Lizzie’s love is totally and completely unconditional. She gave it freely and willingly. She was an integral part of this story not just her presence but her personality as well. She was the sweetest most loving little thing. Her words were the balm for Christian and Elizabeth’s broken hearts.
“I know who you are, silly. You’re my daddy.”
“Would she feel the same when the innocence of her mind faded away, when she understood the meaning of betrayal?”
As I read this book I found myself hanging onto every word. The anticipation of what would come kept me teetering on compassion and forgiveness. To see Christian’s pain, to hear it in his voice was too much at times. I felt myself garnering the resolve to be absolute in justified anger like Elizabeth. How can you ever forgive someone who threw you away. Can you ever trust them again not to leave? You live every single day waiting for the ball to drop. You know it’s coming, you can feel it you just don’t know when or what the fallout will be. Can you live like that?
“Who of us had paid the biggest price? The beautiful child who shone like heaven on every page, her smile joy–her face peace? Her mother, the one betrayed, the one who had worked so hard, loved so much that she had raised a child such as this? In the end, I knew it had to be me. I was the one who had lost, the one who had lived without, the one who was a fool to have ever imagined anything could have been better than this.”
There is a scene in the book that so many of us have fallen victim to, myself included. When you make a decision to be intimate. But you wake up the next day and you’re angry with the other person but also with yourself. You’re disgusted with yourself because even though you’re in love this person, they are the ones that have hurt you the most. It really messes with your head and makes you question all your decisions. You lash out at the other person when it’s really you that you’re mad at.
The question that lingered for me throughout this entire book was “when do you forgive?” How much time has to go by before you’re once again secure that he’s not going to leave you. When will you wake up and know in your heart that what he did is truly in the past? You can’t change what happened. He can’t change what happened. You just have to blindly trust it won’t happen again. That he really is sorry. That he will spend the rest of his life making it up to you both. Can you make the decision to forgive him, not just for him but for you?
When can you let your heart be free again?
This will be my last quote from the book. I literally couldn’t read past these two sentences for several minutes. I just sat on my couch crying, touched by how emotionally connected I was. How personal it all felt.
“A love as intense as the one we shared, one that had not dimmed through years of betrayal but had only grown, was terrifying. We had the power to destroy, to devastate and ruin, to lay the other to waste.”
Take This Regret walks in what I can only describe as quiet beauty.
It is an intense, deeply emotional story that will make you smile and make you cry.
You will reflect on your own choices in life be it good or bad. The story is powerful, and if you’ve ever struggled with regret in a relationship, it will affect you even more.
Take This Regret is now in my top ten favorite books ever! I’m really happy knowing there is a second book coming out very soon, If Forever Ever Comes. I’ll definitely be posting more about it when I can!